November 24, 2003

"Cat in the Hat" opened to forty million dollars, making it the number one piece of soulless crap to be vomited out on the American public this weekend. In celebration, I am making a special promotional offer available: send me your Cat in the Hat ticket stubs and your mailing address, and for a small handling fee, I will perform a quick - but painful - sterilization procedure on you and your family members, insuring that your degenerate crappy-movie-loving genes do not pollute the human race any further than they have already.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go attach some magnets to Dr. Seuss's rapidly spinning corpse, and see if I can't use that to power the CastratoMatic3000.

(November 24, 2003 10:37 AM)
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