Majcher's Vegetarian* Chili
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2-3  lbs beef
16   oz beer

some butter
2    red or yellow onions (or one big one)
3-4  cloves garlic

1    15 oz can tomato sauce
some hot sauce
1-2  tbsp cornmeal
1-2  tsp black pepper
1-2  tsp salt
1    tbsp brown sugar
1-2  tsp oregano
1    tbsp cumin
1    tsp paprika
1-2  tsp crushed red pepper
3-6  tbsp chili powder
1    tsp ******** (classified)
3-5  jalapeno or serrano peppers

1    bunch green onions
3-4  carrots
1/2  bunch celery
1or2 green bell peppers
1    red bell pepper
1    yellow bell pepper


1) Chop up the beef into little bitty pieces.  I like to use stew beef
   that's already in chunks, then cut it into 1/2" bits.  Don't trim
   the fat - that's for cookin'.  Put the cow pieces into something,
   and pour the beer over it.  If you want to, you can throw some
   stuff in there to let it soak in - some hot sauce, a little pepper,
   a dash of bug juice, whatever.  Whatever the meat is marinating in,
   make sure that it's all the way in it.  Let that sit for at least
   two or three hours.  Find something to do.

2) Chop up those vegetables how you like, if you want that stuff in
   there.  I like the texture and the color sometimes, but others
   disagree.  Whatever you like.  The carrots can take off the edge of
   the heat a little bit, and the celery will clean your colon some.
   Peppers are just good.  Hot peppers are even better.

3) When you're ready to get going, get yourself your chili pot, and
   put some butter in it.  Mince the garlic and chop the onions, and
   fry those up.  I mean, sautee them.  Maybe put a little more butter
   in.  Mmmm...butter.  Get your bowl of beef and beer, and pour that
   whole thing in the pot.  Cook up the meat until it's browned.  Add
   the tomato sauce, and the salt, sugar, cumin, pepper, oregano,
   chili powder, and all that stuff, and a bit more than a cup of
   water, and stir it all together.

4) Bring your pot of stuff to a boil, then reduce the heat to a low
   simmering boil and cook, partially covered, for, say three hours.
   More or less, depending on how hungry you are versus how good you
   want it to be.  You'll probably fuss over it some while it's
   cooking, tasting it, stirring it, adding a bit more chili powder or
   pepper or hot sauce or something, or thickening it up with some
   more cornmeal or something.  Just make sure it doesn't burn.

5) Make some cornbread or rice or something to eat on the side with
   the chili.  Have some of that beer, too.  If you really have to
   make beans, I guess I can't stop you.  Just remember: you can put
   meat in your beans, but you can't put beans in your chili.


* Cows are vegetarians, right?